I have just written a post for Emma’s Diary Blog and it reminded me just why I blog. I was writing about a particularly difficult morning, alone, sleep-deprived, with two babies to get dried, dressed, fed, to the shops, back in bed, and out to lunch with friends, all with the added extras of a grumpy, temporarily deaf (to any of my requests) toddler, and a sobbing, clingy, tired baby. It resulted in shouting, screaming. tears all round, and a desperate phonecall to my beautiful sister for help.
Writing the events of that day down made me feel ashamed, as if I didn’t feel as much at the time, but seeing it written down made me feel like a terrible mother. Telling people that I shouted at my 2 year old and 7 month old because I couldn’t take the sound of their screaming and shouting and crying was not easy, and I feel so ashamed of my behaviour. It also made me wonder if I am alone, and then it made me ask the questions, “What would you do? What do you do? How do you cope? What strategies do you use to keep calm? How do you give equal attention to two (or more) children?”
This is what this blog is all about. Sharing. Sharing difficult experiences, hearing feedback, getting opinions, helpful advice, or just having someone say “Me too”, and suddenly feeling not so alone on this ridiculously winding journey of motherhood. Or, you know, having to read comments from people berating me for being the kind of mother that will end up scarring my kids for life by shouting and slamming doors.
I started this blog because I felt guilty and alone for resorting to sleep-training my daughter (I still feel guilty every day for this, and wish I had been able to get her to have a good night’s sleep some other way, any other way), and wanted to know if I really was alone in my struggles. Turns out I wasn’t. So, come on, tell me – am I alone in feeling unable to cope with the demands of two little ones? Am I a terrible mum? (Actually, keep your comments on that one to yourself…..)