So it turns out that taking anti-depressants EVERY DAY is really quite important. A bit like taking the contraceptive pill EVERY DAY is really quite important. Three years ago, when I felt like I was dying, I realised I had over a week’s worth of Loestren left in the packet so I peed on a stick, the window showed a pink cross, and then nine months later I had a beautiful baby girl.
Completely very not like today when I realised I had over a week’s worth of Sertraline left in the packet, which served as an explanation for feeling like I need to run away and leave everyone alone to make their lives better; why I cried a lot yesterday afternoon; why not being able to get The Pea into his sling nearly tipped me over the edge into a screamy, teary, unravelled mess; and why at 4am I was screaming at The Boyfriend about how useless he is and how I JUST NEED SOME HELP. At the time, I was talking about needing help with The Pea, but actually I think I meant with me.
Thinking about it, not getting Pea into his sling wasn’t actually the end of the world. And leaving my babies motherless might not be such an awesome idea. And The Boyfreind is really very far from useless. He is a huge support and helps with everything, from doing the cooking and putting out the bins, to packing The Princess’s nursery bag, and taking both littlies downstairs so that I can try and grab an hour’s sleep some mornings. He’s really quite marvellous and it was me who was feeling utterly useless.
We always lash out at those closest.
So remember kids. If you don’t want to get pregnant, take your pill every day. And if you don’t want to turn into a screaming depressed wreck, take your pills every day.