I’ve been thinking recently about just how different this pregnancy feels to my last one. It’s not just that feeling of having done it all before – that sounds callous, and I don’t mean it to. I absolutely love feeling each movement that Little Pea makes, and I’m just as excited about meeting her/him as I was about meeting The Baby. And I get just as excited when we buy things for Pea as when we bought things for The Baby. None of that stuff is any different and is definitely no less special. What I mean is that last time, every tiny twinge was a huge deal, every pain in my back, every cramp in my uterus, whereas this time, I know it’s just everything stretching and loosening and Little Pea growing. I feel far more relaxed about the whole thing. Ironic, really, as I can’t begin to describe the utter terror I’m feeling at having two babies.
I am 21 weeks now, and at this stage in my last pregnancy I had had a suspected ectopic pregnancy which turned out to be a UTI, I had had two bleeds, the last of which meant I spent the night on the antenatal ward under observation, constant pelvic and back pain which my midwife chose to ignore, and I was under consultant care.
This time, I had an early bleed at 7 weeks…and not much else to report, apart from the dreaded pelvic pain being back. But regular antenatal exercise classes and an early physio referral should hopefully ensure I don’t spend my last trimester on crutches again.
It’s funny how the mind plays tricks, too. The Baby was a “healthy” (though not for my nether regions) size and weight at birth, and she was also 12 days overdue. This meant that by 41 weeks I resembled something generally targeted by a harpoon. I was big and heavy and fed up. In my mind, this was how I was for not just my third trimester, but most of my second trimester too. And then a few days ago, The Boyfriend unearthed this picture. It was taken 13 weeks before The Baby’s due date. Which means I was more pregnant in this picture than I am now.
Question: where’s the bump?? Where the hell did my baby go?! There was nothing there – I looked more pregnant 6 months ago than I do there!
I have a sneaking suspicion that Little Pea is not going to turn out so little after all, and I may not be on crutches while pregnant, but if this bump keeps growing at this rate, I’m pretty sure I’ll need them afterwards. I just hope I avoid getting harpooned in the meantime.