I’ve not been around here much lately. Not for any reason other than I have been absolutely knackered. I had almost forgotten how tiring pregnancy is, except I can still quite clearly remember falling through the door after work and flopping straight onto the sofa for a nap for an hour or two. This time round it’s not so easy, and I constantly feel shattered. I want to sleep for another two or three hours every morning, I want The Baby to sleep for four hours in an afternoon so I can too, and I want a housekeeper so that any spare minute is used up by sleeping, not tidying up/cleaning/sorting general house crap out.
At least lately the 24 hour nausea has subsided, and it is just the tiredness that’s left. The fact that the nausea has disappeared has made life much easier in one sense; I can take my medication every day. Yes, I had a long think, I talked to my midwife and I saw a wonderfully helpful and friendly and thorough GP (yes, they actually exist), and I am staying on the tablets.
I am still concerned about the potential effects daily medication could have on Little Pea, but quite frankly not as concerned as I am about the potential effects not taking medication could have on my family, my home, and any unwitting passers-by who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time if I haven’t taken my medication. Lately, the nausea had been so bad that I had been unable to swallow a glass of water, let alone swallow a tablet (and don’t even get me started on the horse tranquiliser-sized pre-pregnancy-multi-vitamins-plus-folic-acid BOULDERS) , and after a day or two, the lack of chemical balance was noticeable. I was snappy, short-fused, unmotivated, and often going to dark places I really shouldn’t be visiting*. With a beautiful little girl and another beautiful bundle on the way, these thoughts simply are not worth it. I can’t afford to feel low, I can’t afford to wallow in depressive self-pity, and I can’t afford to not be motivated. I need to be here for everyone, I need to function and keep going, I need to do my best every day, I need to be able to keep up with The Baby and all her demands, and for those reasons I need to be on medication.
The one thing that I was very concerned about was being on medication after Little Pea arrives. I loved breastfeeding The Baby so much, it was easy for me and easy for her; she latched on the minute we had skin to skin and neither of us ever had a problem with it. The time we had together while feeding, even in those dark lonely hours in the middle of the night, was so special, it was time for just her and I to be close and together and quiet. It was beautiful and I miss it even now. So the thought of not being able to breastfeed next time was horrendous to me. That was the main reason for me wanting to wean off the anti-depressants now, so that I would be completely off them and able to breastfeed. But guess what? The Wonderfully Helpful Friendly and Thorough GP informed me that with a change of medication, I will still be able to breastfeed this time round. Amazing!
So my question now is have any mums out there had experience of Sertraline? And was it a good one? I have been on my current medication, with very few side-effects, for almost four months now, and am a little apprehensive of trying something new. Positive stories would be very welcome!
*Metaphorically-speaking. So far I’ve not actually gone wandering to dark places I shouldn’t be…
I linked this post up to Boo and Me’s blog, A Helping Hand. She is doing An Amazing Thing and raising awareness of post-natal depression, and funds for the Joanne Bingley Memorial Foundation. Joanne sadly took her own life as a result of not receiving the correct care and support for post-natal depression, and this foundation set up in her memory, is dedicated to promoting awareness and increasing support for PND sufferers. Please visit Boo and Me, or find her on Twitter @BooAndMe_, to find out more about what she is doing to raise funds for this wonderful charity.