NOT My Favourite Waste of Time

I have counselling this morning. And I use that term in its very loosest sense. It’s been a month since I last went, because I am apparently almost fine now.

Having spent an hour each week, then reduced to each fortnight, having hand-outs about depression and recovery read to me by a girl who looks so young I would guess she is just about ready to take her GCSE options, I am now cured of all depression, and armed with all the knowledge I will ever need to fight against any signs of it in the future.

This is, of course, not how it is in reality. When I am asked how things have been, and I respond “Fine”, no further questions are necessary, and off we go to read through hand-written flow charts, and paragraphs photocopied from the very latest exercise books in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It is quite clear that I am generally not “Fine”, but this child-nurse doesn’t seem to understand that sometimes a few well-chosen questions go a long way to actually drawing out the real truth. I have had depression for 17 years, and have become an expert in the field of cover-up. When I say “Fine” I mean “I am probably on the edge of a break-down”.

I have had counselling in the past and found it to be very unhelpful. I am not normally one for talking about negative feelings and emotions. I have found over many years that the best way to deal with these emotions is to ignore them for long periods of time and stick my head well and truly in 20ft of sand. It works. For a while. But what I found really doesn’t work is to go back over things experienced during childhood and try to blame silly incidents that, most likely every child experiences, for my dark thoughts now. Or to blame my parents for not doing a good enough job, when I know that all they have ever done is their best, and all they have ever wanted is for me to be happy.

This time, however, I would have actually liked to talk about how I felt. After The Baby was born, the level of anxiety and guilt that I was experiencing was very new and very unusual for me. And I think that talking these feelings through with a professional may have gone a little way to addressing these issues. I was not given an opportunity to talk properly. I haven’t been assigned a professional.

But I am now off to say very little about what has actually been happening in my life, or how I have been feeling, to read a few pieces of paper on the generics of post-natal depression, and to resist the urge to call Amnesty International about suspected child labour in the North Staffordshire area.

16 Comments

Filed under The (Dummy) Mummy

16 Responses to NOT My Favourite Waste of Time

  1. Found you from Mothers Always Right.
    My friend had councelling for depression. Her councellor said ‘fine’ stood for ‘f*cked up, insecure, neurotic, emotional’. Now THAT’S a proper councellor. Good luck – hope the blogging helps.

  2. As a seasoned therapy goer (I blog a fair amount about it), I say it’s all in the therapist. In my darker times, I have found that practical advice is more effective than talking it out. Give me exact directions to get through the day/hour/situation and we can leave the psychoanalysis to another, brighter, moment. And I like Kate’s take on it. hang in there!

    • I agree – practical advice is exactly what I need too, it’s too easy to wallow and mope in self-pity without a practical plan! Thanks for your comment x

  3. Pingback: Social Distortion » dummymummy.co.uk - Confessions of a First-time Mum

  4. Pingback: On Milk, Anxiety and Not Missing Sleep-Deprivation » dummymummy.co.uk - Confessions of a First-time Mum

  5. Zoe

    Sounds like you have been unlucky and got a rubbish therapist. I have to say CBT was the most helpful thing for me in getting over depression (which I have had on and off for about 12 years, if not longer), but I had a great therapist. I would also say that it is the main thing that has helped me *stay* well.

    I definitely found that talking about my childhood did NOT help one bit. It felt cathartic at the time but didn’t actually make any long term difference to anything.

  6. Excellent article. I absolutely appreciate this website. Thanks!|

  7. Fantastic goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you are just too magnificent. I really like what you have acquired here, certainly like what you’re saying and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still take care of to keep it sensible. I can not wait to read much more from you. This is actually a terrific web site.|

  8. Admiring the commitment you put into your site and in depth information you provide. It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed information. Excellent read! I’ve saved your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.|

  9. payment processors

    Hello! I could have sworn I’ve visited this blog before but after looking at many of the articles I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely pleased I discovered it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back regularly!|

  10. Hi it’s me, I am also visiting this web page on a regular basis, this web page is actually nice and the visitors are truly sharing nice thoughts.|

  11. Hi, I think your blog might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, amazing blog!|

  12. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was wondering what all is required to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very web savvy so I’m not 100% sure. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Appreciate it|

  13. Wonderful beat ! I would like to apprentice whilst you amend your web site, how could i subscribe for a blog website? The account helped me a appropriate deal. I have been a little bit familiar of this your broadcast offered bright clear idea|

  14. Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It truly useful & it helped me out much. I hope to give something back and help others like you aided me.|

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Follow Me

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.